NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – Every news agency in America and over 147 world wide reported that New York Governor Andrew Cuomo resigned.
He said that it was not because of any sexually-suggestive charges, or claims of sexual harassment, or anything like that, but it was merely so that he can now spend more time with his grandchildren, his friends, his many girlfriends, and his brother Chris Cuomo of CNN.
The ex-governor also wanted to add that now that he has lots and lots of free time on his hands, he will be able to attend more New York Yankees games, New York Giants games, New York Knicks games, and also he’ll get to attend performances by the stunningly sexy-as-hell, gorgeously long-legged New York City Rockettes.
Andrew also wanted everyone to know that he will no longer be charging for his autograph.
When asked if he still plans to run for president in 2024, Cuomo replied “Why hell yes!” He then added that he presently has a little over $78.1 million in his 2024 Andrew Cuomo For President Campaign Fund.