Facebook To Work with the NSA to Identify Domestic Extremists

Funny story written by G. Brookings

Saturday, 3 July 2021

image for Facebook To Work with the NSA to Identify Domestic Extremists
Say Anything You Want on Facebook (About Puppies and Kittens)

Those who accuse the left and progressives of not knowing or learning from history have at last been utterly refuted. Facebook’s recent invitation to its users to expose and inform on one another for alleged “extremist” views proves the point.

Taking a page from Germany’s National Socialist Party Hitler Youth, Facebook is now warning users that if they have been exposed to “extremist content” or if they “know someone who is becoming an extremist” they should immediately “get help,” by exposing that person to Facebook and the NSA’s Extremism Task Force.

The young cadres at Facebook have specifically modeled this initiative on the 1933 Nazi law “Against Malicious Attacks against the Government,” which reads in part, “Whoever purposely makes or circulates a statement of a factual nature which is untrue or grossly exaggerated or which may seriously harm the welfare of the …state, or the reputation of the National government or of a state government or of parties or organizations supporting these governments, is to be punished…with imprisonment of up to two years or…penal servitude.”

While Facebook admits that it currently lacks space to house or imprison extremists, it is reportedly exploring solutions with interested progressive NGO’s. Rumors have circulated that the currently depopulated city of Portland Oregon may be a candidate for the first of the new re-education camps for domestic extremists exposed by the new Facebook program. Antifa has volunteered to administer the camps.

AP reports that Mr. Zuckerburg has also flown to the northwest of China to study the new planned communities being built there for the Uighurs who--according to blue-checked Twitter accounts--are grateful that their own extremists have been extracted and put to work building Chinese socialism.

Said Zuck, “China is showing us the way forward. Real facts and true truths are too important to be left to amateurs, conservatives and all those who write from flawed and antiquated political perspectives. There needs to be more optimizing of national messaging in the interest of public safety and progress and we plan to be a big part of that effort.”

Asked by a Fox News reporter as he disembarked from his private jet how Facebook defines extremism, the Facebook CEO said thoughtfully, “Well, extremism is a lot like obscenity; hard to define, but we know it when we see it. You’ll just have to trust us on that.”

“Sure. Why wouldn’t we trust a guy who built a misogynistic coed face-ranking scheme in his dorm and turned it into a gazillion-dollar vehicle for speech suppression?” the reported shouted angrily as Zuck signaled to his security detail that he felt unsafe at the tone of these questions.

"That was really extreme and made me feel very unsafe," Zuck declared sadly as his security detail took photos of the reporter and called for backup.

[The Editors: please note that this article has been cleared in advance with Facebook’s Committee to Repress Extremist Expression in Publishing (CREEP).]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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