NORWEGIAN WOOD, Kentucky – (Satire News) – Donald Trump spoke before a crowd of 17, in the parking lot of the local Walmart.
He told the crowd of shoppers that he will never ride off into the sunset the way losers like Marco Rubio, Carly Fiorina, Lindsey Graham, and hip hopper Dry Ice Woke have all done.
The man that Robert De Niro said was so orange, he makes tangerines look purple, noted that he is not worried about going to prison on the charge that he allegedly took $47 million from the GOP fund and transferred it to son Barron’s college fund.
He also said he wanted to clear up the fact that contrary to what Chris Wallace of Fox News said, Marjorie Taylor Greene is not pregnant with his child.
The Trumptard then quipped that he has been using condoms since way before he began boinking Stormy Daniels.
He was asked by an elderly shopper what he thought about fellow GOPers Mitch McConnell and Bill Barr.
DJT made an ugly-face and turned more orange than he already is, and replied that he cannot stand the fat, volcano-looking Billy Barr nor the turtle-faced Mitt McConnell.
Trump, then pointed out in no uncertain terms, that both assholes refused to lie for him, and he revealed that truth be told, he hates both rinos more than he hates his hemorrhoids.