ELEPHANT BUTT, Ohio – (Satire News) – Ivanka Trump, who has been named to head her daddy’s post-election defeat political rallies, told Anderson Cooper that she visited Elephant Butt, Ohio, where they hope to raise lots and lots of money, to help pay for her daddy’s astronomical attorneys fees.
The dishwater blonde told GOPicky Magazine that the first pep rally will be held in Elephant Butt, because it is the home of one of the biggest McDonalds restaurants in the world-wide burger franchise.
Honey Lips, as her father calls her, remarked that she spends up to 9 hours a day talking on the phone to members of his base, his fan club, his doctors, golf course directors, and of course his three girlfriends, Maria Bartiromo, Marjorie Taylor Greene, and Hope Hicks.
Ivanka told GOPicky reporter Amos Soursuckle, that she is definitely earning every nickel of the $16.3 million annual salary that the GOP National Voters Alliance Federation is paying her.
SIDENOTE: Ivanka wants to dispel the rumor that she is pregnant. She pointed out that there is just no way that she can get impregnated due to the fact that she and husband Jared have been in a boinkless marriage for the past two years.