LITTLE ROCK – (Satire News) – The principal at Glen Campbell High School informed the media that beavers have literally taken over the campus and the classrooms.
Principal Billy Ray “Bubba” Lemoncake, 52, told local reporters that at first, there were just 7 or 8 beavers roaming the halls of Glen Campbell High, but just since Easter the number has now gone up to a little over 817.
Lemoncake says that he has talked to the governor about doing something since the little varmints are not only chewing up the chairs and the desks, but they are now trying to bite the students, the teachers, and even the workers who service the candy vending machines.
The governor has assured him that he will be sending in members of the Arkansas National Guard to round up the hairy, little, pesky pests.
In the meantime, Lemoncake asked for permission, to allow the male students to carry handguns, so that they can protect all of the students, teachers, and cafeteria cooks.
The governor responded by saying, “Yes, and hell yes, by crackies!”
When the governor was told that PETA would not like having the beavers shot like clay pigeons, he responded by saying that the animal protective agency pansies can kiss his Dixieland ass.