Traffic chaos caused by bicycle on K Street and 19th in central DC

Funny story written by Chris H

Friday, 21 May 2021

image for Traffic chaos caused by bicycle on K Street and 19th in central DC
Out of the way, jackass!

14 local cyclists were involved in an ugly pile up in Washington DC this morning, when a visiting cyclist stopped at a red light at the junction of K Street and 19th St, NW.

“It shouldn’t be allowed” protested Melvin Freeman, a Foggy Bottom resident, “people should know better than to stop at a red light during rush hour.”

Fellow commuter, Deirdre Martin agreed, “Who do they think they are? Or more accurately where do they think they are? This isn’t Peoria – it’s a jungle out there.”

Of the 14 cyclists forced off their bikes by this thoughtless act, two were taken to hospital with grazed elbows and one with a suspected sprained wrist.

“I shall be suing,” snarled Jerome Biggins, as he cradled his left hand with obvious difficulty.

Police, meanwhile, detained Jennifer Simmonds – the perpetrator of the accident – while deciding what action to take, if any.

Said Simmonds, “I don’t understand it. All I did was to follow the traffic signals and stop on red. Doesn’t everyone stop on red?”

With tears welling in her eyes, she continued, “Why is everyone being so beastly to me?”

Shaking their heads in disbelief at her naivety , the two officers re-holstered their side-arms and escorted Simmonds to a sidewalk chair in an adjacent Starbucks.

As the commuters remounted their bicycles to continue their journey, many were moved to hurl abuse at the sobbing visitor. “Go back where you come from, idiot!” and “Take the Metro next time, klutz!” were among the more printable calls.

Police later released Ms Simmonds without charge, but with the warning to be a bit more careful next time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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