National Cycling 3-Abreast Championships Start Thursday

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 3 February 2021

image for National Cycling 3-Abreast Championships Start Thursday
Some real exhibitionists riding 4-abreast earlier today

There was great excitement amongst ardent cycling fans this morning, when it was announced that the Cambodian National Cycling 3-Abreast Championships will be commencing in Battambang on Thursday morning, from 5 am onwards, and will end only when somebody gets killed.

In most parts of the civilized world, riding a bicycle 2-abreast is considered both irresponsible and extremely dangerous - and stirs the wrath of motorists - but here in the Kingdom of Wonder, the bicycle-riding public think nothing of riding 2-, 3-, or even 4-abreast, and, on special occasions, more.

They sometimes perform stunts, such as 'wheelies' whilst doing so.

Some cyclists are also rumored to ride on the wrong side of the road, but, as most people do not know which side of the road is the right side, this cannot be confirmed.

Hopeful contenders have been out practising for several weeks now, in the early mornings, along the narrow roads that eventually converge on Battambang city center.

Riders ride at a slow, almost-walking pace, which, with its distinct lack of sufficient forward momentum, makes the bicycles wobble from side to side, making accidents much more likely.

This knowledge, however, rather than warning the riders that their lives are in peril, seems to stimulate them to take even greater risks.

Two, or even three people to a bike, with one standing on the back-wheel spindle nuts, and one perched on the handlebars, the daredevils scream, laugh and joke as they wobble ever nearer to oblivion.

There are no prizes up for grabs, just the chance to make a reputation for oneself as 'The Most Fuckwitted Person Ever To Climb Into A Bicycle Saddle'.

Competition is set to be intense.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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