The world's first eco-friendly execution centre has just opened at The Sunny Wind Farm Company in Quakerville, Pennsylvania.
Chad and Chuck Cadbury shook while explaining their vision: ‘Our wind turbines often generate excess electricity, and it is incumbent on us all to utilise that energy, even if the local criminal fraternity find that a bit shocking.’
‘It’s a great day out,’ said town mayor, Harvey Trumpstein. ‘On a Sunday morning, we plug the local scum into the wind turbines and let mother nature take its course. It’s a tourist destination, family center, and a real boost to the economy - I’ve got the ice cream concession.’
The question is, what happens when it’s not windy. ‘Sure it takes a little longer and people have to hang around,’ said Chad, rubbing his hands, ‘but that keeps our concession holders happy.’
‘Occasionally, there’s no wind at all, which can be very disappointing for the audience,’ added Chuck. ‘Things could turn nasty, as this is a community supported sport er, hobby, well, I mean, responsibility. But a local cycling club connect to a dynamo instead, and pedal like crazy, and that definitely takes longer, but it’s a real family day.’
A disappointed Chad did inform us that ‘Health and Safety’ have stepped in, as they regard this as inhumane and cruel treatment.
‘They’re OK with the execution, but this is a windy and rainy environment,’ added Chuck, ‘which means, before the condemned die of electric shock, they catch a cold.’