Buckingham Place has found itself at the centre of a new storm of allegations, made by some American celebrity friends of Meghan Markle, who say that Queen Elizabeth II trespassed into Meghan and Harry’s Montecito property. According to the unnamed sources, the nonagenarian monarch climbed over the gate, carrying a satchel, ran along the driveway the front of the house, deftly avoiding two security guards, passed through a crown of adoring fans hoping to catch a glimpse of the Exalted One, shinned up a drainpipe into the house, stole into Meghan and Harry's modest-sized bedroom and cut up all her nice clothes using a pair of scissors. The scissors are even suspected of being made in England from Sheffield steel.
Former Marine Commander Luis Fernandez, one of the security details, even described how the sprightly Head of the Commonwealth kneed him in the groin and told him to “Go back to Mexico”. He added that he gave chase but lost the 94-year old intruder among the throng of people. “She mingled with the crowd and had obviously received tactical training in how to melt away”.
A Buckingham Place spokesman refused to be drawn into these new allegations but released time-stamped footage of the Queen visiting the Duke of Edinburgh in hospital 5,500 miles away fifteen minutes after the time of the alleged incident. However, Meghan’s friends have scoffed at this, saying that footage has obviously been faked, and the person in the video could be an impostor wearing a Mission Impossible-type rubber mask of the Queen, in order to give her an alibi.
Oprah Winfrey will be interviewing Luis Fernandez in an exclusive next week. Oprah has generously agreed to donate her £2,000,000 fee to clothes and jewellery designers who are people of color, in return for colorful clothes and jewellery.