LONDON - (Satire News) – Her majesty, the queen of England has stated that she cannot believe that Meghan Markle would throw her under the double-decker bus, after she treated her like a princess.
Speaking with Neville Twickenbuck of Tickety Boo News in Buckingham Palace's Simon Cowell Commemorative Sitting Room, the queen divulged how she had given Meghan and Harry a recently-fully-restored 15th-century castle as a wedding gift.
She noted that the castle, located just south of Tottenham, had been built by King Sylvester IV, for his inamorata Lady Dandelion, who would later run off with the court jester, Don Ridiculous, in the scandal of the century.
The queen went on to say that she had also given Meggy a pair of the finest foxhunting dogs in the entire United Kingdom, as well as a crumpet factory in Wembley, and the royal family’s 35% interest in the Tooting Red Rabbits football team.
Meghan disclosed that the hunting dogs were actually Chihuahuas, and that the Red Rabbits team had been disbanded due to the infamous Vuvuzela Scandal of 2019.
The queen brushed back half a tear, as she told Twickenbuck that her granddaughter-in-law really hurt her when she told Jimmy Kimmel that she had industrial varicose veins.
She then revealed that the one thing she really regrets is having given Meghan a gold, diamond-studded crown, that once belonged to the queen’s great, great, great grandmother, Queen Repunsel II.
She pointed out that the crown, which weighs 4.3 pounds, is presently worth $9.7 million on the current royal crown market.
Neville Twickenbuck revealed that Queen Elizabeth is asking Meghan to return the extremely expensive crown as soon as humanly possible.
Meanwhile, iRumors is reporting that Meghan Markle has stated that she’ll return the crown when Piers Morgan becomes Prime Minister of England.