Ted Cruz Says The Dildo Found in The Glove Compartment of His Kia Sorento is Not His

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 29 January 2021

image for Ted Cruz Says The Dildo Found in The Glove Compartment of His Kia Sorento is Not His
Most of the constituents in Ted's district call him "El Gelding," because Cruz has no cojones (balls).

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – According to BuzzFuzz, Ted Cruz is now the most despised senator in the history of the United States senate.

BF's Sonora Cahoots spoke with several Republican senators who said that Cruz is a damn embarrassment to the party of Calvin Coolidge and Warren Harding.

Cruz, who denies he was born in Guatemala, is regarded as the biggest suck-up since Deep Throat’s Linda Lovelace.

The man that everyone in California calls “Prick Face” has never been the same since he developed what is known in Alabama as a limp pecker.

A neighbor of the sick senator says that Ted's neighborhood Home Owner’s Association censored him after he was caught on a security camera peeing in the swimming pool on three different occasions.

Just recently, a Houston police officer stopped him for having his automobile license plates upside down, and upon inspection, the officer found a 12-inch pink ribbed dildo in the glove compartment of his Kia Sorento.

Lying Ted, as Lying Trump calls him, insists that it is not his, but DNA tests showed it had Ted’s finger- and butt prints all over it.

Meanwhile, Senator Lindsey "Sissy Britches" Graham has firmly demanded, that the creepy, debauched Senator Ted Cruz be stripped of his senator's seat immediately, and that he be forcibly placed into The D.C. Home For Perverted Politicians, as soon as humanly possible.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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