NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – The latest Quinnipinni Poll states that 9 out of 10 U.S. citizens, agree that Senator Ted “Prick-Face” Cruz needs to take his anarchist-supporting ass back to Guatemala.
Most die-hard Republicans hate Cruz even more than they hate Georgia, the food stamp program, and the Golden State Warriors.
Cruz, known as the man who is hard to understand, due to a pathologically enlarged tongue, has stated on the record that he wants the state of California to be banned from the United States.
He has also stated that American women need to stop worrying about Botox, pedicures, and Brazilian waxes, and concentrate more on womanly things like cooking, sewing, and making sure that their husbands are satisfied in the bedroom department.
Cruz supporters who number in the dozens, insist that he was born in Canada, and not Guatemala. But Bravo Network guru, and man who knows everything about everyone, Andy Cohen, says he has a photo of Ted’s birth certificate, which clearly shows he was born in Platanos Verdes, Guatemala, which is the mosquito capital of Central America.
Even Fox News alarmist, and man who makes Fred Flintstone look handsome, Sean Hannity, says that the flip-floppin' Ted Cruz has become more hated that jock itch, yeast infections, and Greg Gutfeld.