Playing Donald Trump’s favorite song, “Three Wheels on my Wagon” on their ghetto-blasters, thousands-strong mobs of Trump supporters attacked the offices of the US government, including Capitol Hill.
Senators and Congressmen were ordered to lie on the floor as security guards exchanged gunfire with angry insurgents, trying really hard not to kill anyone who was white, while reminding terrified Democrat politicians that the Constitution preserved the right to protest and carry guns, so the mobs weren’t doing anything illegal until they actually damaged property.
However, foreign governments weren’t as forgiving with the behaviour of the mobs. World power Iran sounded its concern at seeing its political rival slip into mob rule and despotism. “We appeal to the people of the USA not to use violence but to return home and obey the rule of law,” the Ayatollah tweeted. The North Korean government similarly called for peace in America, and for the extremists to surrender or be harmlessly apprehended.
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson, who recently won a hat-trick of victories with his election as leader of the ruling Conservative Party, his landslide win in the UK general election and his Brexit deal with the EU, called the mobs deplorable. Trump’s British cheerleader Nigel Farage was nowhere to be seen, presumably self-isolating or something.
Meanwhile, in scenes reminiscent of a 70s Dick Dastardly cartoon, President Trump called on Vice President Mike Pence "Muttley, DO something", as his hopes of clinging to power evaporated. Trump wants Pence to overturn the election, not accepting that he doesn't have the power to do that, while the rest of the country wants Pence to use his powers under the 25th Amendment to remove the President from office.