Supreme Court Rules Sex Organs Can Be Used To Determine Gender

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 28 December 2020

image for Supreme Court Rules Sex Organs Can Be Used To Determine Gender
Where’s your pantsuit?

BILLINGSGATE POST: Thank God for President Trump! In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court ruled that sex organs can be used to determine one’s gender. While conventional sex theories, held sacred since Adam and Eve discovered each other's inter-joining plumbing connections in the Garden of Eden, there has been increasing ambivalence that has clouded this viewpoint. Where once the obstetrician who delivered your baby would check the plumbing of the baby and announce his findings, he now just shrugs his shoulders and says, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

With Chief Justice John Robert’s, once again, crossing the line and joining with the three other liberal justices in the dissent, it remained for new Associate Justice Amy Coney Barrett to join with Justices Alito, Thomas, Kavanaugh and Gorsuch, to form the majority and affirm the ruling.

In the dissent, written by Justice Elena Kagan, it was her personal conviction that the Old Testament is unconstitutional because it promotes sex bias in favor of heterosexuals.

"It follows then," she argued, "that any subsequent decision regarding sex between heterosexuals has been colored by this bias that only those who practiced penis-vaginal sex could marry."

Associate Justice Clarence Thomas argued that, "Being a married man, myself, if that were true, how did I find a pubic hair in my coke bottle?" Chief Justice Roberts responded by stating that sexual images of that nature could only distort the eyes of the Court. Adding, "Your a posteriori arguments drive me up the wall. Clarence, are you sure you want that statement included in the records?"

Justice Sotomayer suggested that all children should be born wearing pantsuits. “If it was good enough for Hillary Clinton, there is no reason why it shouldn’t be universally instituted.”

With Alito joining in, the sometimes acerbic Justice remarked that sex organs, in his opinion, were overrated in determining sexual orientation. "But, on the other hand, allowing transgenders the same right to marriage as heterosexuals makes as much sense as putting balls on a goose and declaring them ganders."

Dr. Slim: “I still believe that what a man and a sheep do in private is none of their business.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. That’s BAA-loney.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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