LOOSE WOMAN, Georgia – (Satire News) – President Trump, desperate to rake in even more money, spoke before a crowd of 1.3 million maskless supporters (his estimate), in Loose Woman, Georgia.
Trump opened up with blatant lie after blatant lie, stating that he is going to give every man, woman, and child a stimulus check in the amount of $15,000 tax-free for Christmas.
The Pied Piper of the Potomac’s followers roared so loud they drowned out a low-flying 747 jet.
A close aide to Trump commented that the President has become one huge orange ball of stress.
He noted that he is even starting to imagine that illegal aliens dressed as bananas are coming from Costa Rica to take him, Rudy Giuliani, and Hope Hicks back to Germany.
POTUS said that he is not afraid, because his son, Eric, has just given him two illegal, semi-automatic weapons, that he used to murder friendly animals in Zimbabwe, Mozambique, and secretly at the Tarzana Petting Zoo, in Tarzana, California.
Meanwhile, the stressed-out soon-to-be ex-president says that his golf game is suffering, and added that the last three times he played, he shot a 70, a 67, and a 71.