LIVERPOOL, England – The founder of Wikileaks and Pipileaks, Julian Assange, texted President Trump and begged him to please give him a Presidential Pardon so he can get out of prison before he hurts himself with a bar of soap.
Assange has used up all of his pleas and now just sits in his 8 by 10-foot cell at the Engelbert Humperdinck Prison watching the BBC, drawing on his arm with a red Sharpie, and humming songs by 60s British band The Who.
One of his guards has stated that, once a week, the warden allows him to have a mini-concert in the Dusty Springfield Commemorative Dining Hall.
He remarked that one of the other inmates accompanies Engelbert on the harmonica, and a cross-dressing prisoner named Daisy dances in front of him, and is a big hit with the other sex-starved convicts.
Regarding the Presidential Pardon, Trump texted Assange and reminded him that he is an Australian citizen, imprisoned in England, but added that he is going to talk to his chief adviser, Ivanka, and see what she has to say.
