Lame rat president, Donald Trump, has vowed to continue living in the White House after President-elect Joe Biden’s inauguration. The affable Trump claims he has solid proof that the election was rigged. He claims that 1 million illegal Mallard ducks voted via mail in ballots in the state of Michigan.
“I have nothing against Mallard ducks voting in the US election, as long as they are legal raft,” stated Trump. “But over a million illicit raft of ducks voted by mail in the state, which, had they not voted, I would have been awarded the state’s 16 electorates. This just goes to show you the fraud that exists with mail ballots. Because of this, I will not be vacating the White House come January 20 of 2021.”
“To ensure I don’t get forcibly removed, I will be supergluing myself to a wall in the Lincoln bedroom, which will make it impossible for me to get removed. I like it here, I’m not ready to hand the keys over to Sleepy Joe. I’m going to use a whole lot of superglue, which will make the stock price go up significantly. I would suggest everyone buy superglue stocks. You will all be rich. Superglue trades under the designation of ‘dip’.
“I’m thinking of having a golf course built on the South Lawn as well as a McDonalds. I like Big Macs, I like them a lot. I’m also thinking about putting a Starbucks in the West Wing. As far as Melania goes, I’ll go ahead and nail her to the floor of the Oval Office. She is used to being walked on.”
When asked about how the Bidens will take to his actions, Trump replied: “Sleepy Joe and his wife, Jill, will have to learn to live with the situation. They will get to play on the golf course for free. They will also get a few hundred McDonalds and Starbucks gift cards. They will just lose use of the Lincoln bedroom, but that won’t be a problem for them, because they don’t have any friends to sleep over, because no one likes them because of their low IQs.”
As of press time, the Secret Service had come up with a plan on removing Trump from the White House which consists of them cutting out the wall where he is superglued, carrying him out the building, and placing him on the South Lawn at the first tee of the golf course.