WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) - White House insiders say that the President is now sitting in his Presidential Bunker for up to 9 hours a day, sobbing like a baby.
They note that he is getting much paler, and that he is actually starting to look like an albino great-grandfather.
One Secret Service agent, who did not want his name mentioned, told Bedroom Pillow Talk that he has never, in his life, heard an adult man sob as much as POTUS is sobbing.
The agent noted that the “Loser-in-Chief” is saying things like everyone hates him, no one appreciates his Harvard-educated mind, and is even remarking that he feels he fought two tours in Vietnam for nothing.
When Melania was asked to comment on her husband’s erratic, sore-loser behavior, she said, “Be leaves me, I knew dat one day, dee beach would self-destruct.”