NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – New York City Police are reporting that Rudolph William Louis Giuliani is actually a zombie.
NYPD said that they got over 200 calls reporting a zombie sighting, and, after investigating, they ascertained that it was actually former NYC mayor, and now Trump’s ass-kissing lawyer, Rudy Giuliani.
The mayor of New York, Bill de Blasio, told the news media that he spoke with several zombie experts, and they say that when the moon is just right, and it’s not drizzling, zombies will suddenly start to release a dark-colored fluid that comes out of their ears and runs down the sides of their cheeks.
They warned that, if someone inhales this yucky-smelling crapola, the person’s face could suddenly break out in fuchsia spots the size of quarters.
They stressed that Giuliani has to be taken into custody immediately, and isolated from the general jail population, or risk another pandemic.
They added that one of the signs of a zombie is that their eyes get gigantic, and look like swollen ping pong balls.
iRumors is reporting that Giuliani is presently on the run, and was last seen downing an umbrella drink at a gay bar in Brooklyn.