Pelosi and Newsom apologize for lack of decency in following their own rules

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 15 November 2020

image for Pelosi and Newsom apologize for lack of decency in following their own rules
Mr. Newsom did have some problems with this particular item

Speaker of the House Pelosi and California's Governor Newsom have again been caught at the threshold of an embarrassing moment.

First it was Ms. Pelosi holding a dinner for incoming Democratic house members, with special air conditioning units and tables with extensive table-cloth coverings.

Masking and social distancing were to be pursued, at least while standing up, according to reports.

(Science has now established that while sitting at an eating table, covid menace is abated significantly--until standing up.)

However, various media were incensed at this development with Pelosi what with all the pressure on canceling Thanksgiving.

Mr. Newsom's turn was next by attending a birthday celebration for a staff member. He now says this was “a mistake.”

Ms. Pelosi meanwhile has said the celebration for newcomers is changed to
take-out for solitary hotel rooms with zoom and banging on the walls.

The Newsom celebration was anticipated eagerly by reporters as an opportunity to observe the Governor's own maxim: “Wear a mask between bites,”

Reporters were not allowed to observe but one anonymous guest has let slip a few details.

His technique:

*You keep the thumb at the ready at the bottom of the mask;

*Food on fork poised, quickly create an aperture, for a maximum of 2 seconds, into which the fork can plunge;

*Chew rapidly; do not delay (reports of eyeballs bulging and very little social interaction).

Drinking anything is slightly more difficult.

Again, the mask must be held apart for the aperture, with the head titled back, then the liquid quickly poured.

(Some reports here of choking, coughing, and bent over next to the dining table with subsequent red face around the masking device.)

Scientific studies of these procedures indicate a person should try to get the time involved in the aperture's being open to one second.

Now, in the case of a swimming-pool party, these rules are essential:

*continually filtered water needed from a licensed filtering company (such as No Covid! No Shit! Incorporated;

*no bathing attire allowed for bacilli to cling to and carry out of the pool;

*hand wiping equipment on tables for sanitary assurance and whatever purposes;

*masks must be worn on entering or exiting the pool area

*plus whenever standing up.

Ms. Pelosi and Mr. Newsom have commented on these developments:

"We continue to learn how to guide and what to pass on to the American people!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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