Police in Washington, DC have announced that they are keen to interview an individual in connection with tax evasion, fraud, sexual assault, hate crimes, racist behavior, kidnapping and imprisoning children, and other offences likely to bring the good name of the United States and its citizens into disrepute.
All of the offences were committed over the last four years.
The suspect - a 74-year-old white male - is also wanted in connection with threatening the security and stability of the western world, and its relationship with other countries all over the planet.
He is also implicated in the deaths of 250,000 innocent US citizens.
An officer described the suspect as:
"Evil. I mean, really! A lying, cheating, inhumane, manipulative, womanizing, racist, sexist, homophobic, megalomaniacal piece of absolute fucking turd! And listen, man, that's putting it politely!"
The crimes that the suspect is wanted in connection with are certain to attract a lengthy custodial sentence if he is convicted.
The police have not yet released precise details of the man's identity, but an officer said they believe he will be easy to locate.
An undercover operation then swung into action with two officers armed with golf clubs, and dressed in Jack Nicklaus sweaters.
