Trump's Election Defeat Was Inevitable, Claims Political Ignoramus

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 8 November 2020

image for Trump's Election Defeat Was Inevitable, Claims Political Ignoramus
It takes a special kind of 'intelligence'

As the dust settled on yet another exciting instalment in US political history, a man who knows absolutely nothing whatsoever about the subject has said that Joe Biden's victory and Donald Trump's defeat in the presidential election were "inevitable".

Other analysts repeatedly commented, during the counting stage, that the election was "too close to call", and this would suggest that the result was anything but inevitable, but Moys Kenwood, 57, disputes this.

He said:

"I think if we look at the results, we will see that Mr. Biden won, and that Mr. Trump didn't. It was, therefore, inevitable."

Asked to explain this skewered logic, he went on:

"It's quite simple. Mr. Biden is, as we speak, the President-elect of the United States of the USA. If his victory hadn't been inevitable, and he hadn't won more votes last Tuesday, then he wouldn't have been declared the winner - which he has been. You see?"

A team of logistical experts met to discuss this statement, and considered that, looking at the problem with hindsight, Kenwood had a point. But, prior to last Tuesday, the result could not have been known, and was, therefore not inevitable.

But Kenwood disagreed:

"Trump was never going to win, and subsequent events have left us in no doubt in that respect. It was inevitable that Biden was going to beat him, and, if it hadn't been inevitable, I wouldn't have been here now, telling you that it was!"

But he did make this concession:

"I agree that it takes a superior kind of intellect to fully comprehend a subject such as this, and not everyone is up to it."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more