US Presidential Election Result To Be In By Christmas

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 6 November 2020

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As the counting of votes continues in the 2020 US presidential election, and the reputation of the process slides further and further into the mud, there was good news this afternoon, when it was announced that ALL results will definitely be in and counted by Christmas.

Christmas 2021, that is.

With Joseph Biden leading Donald Trump by 264 electoral college seats to 214, with Georgia, Pennsylvania and Arizona still counting, it looks very much as if the President may be ousted from his Twitterden.

Using what has become known as Trumpian Logic, the President has threatened legal action in states wherever he has lost, claiming that the election has been rigged, stolen from him, and that the counts in those places are illegal because he is behind Joe Biden.

But more suspicions are being aroused because of the time being taken over the totting-up of the ballot papers.

A representative of the US Electoral Voting Commission said that more than a thousand extra staff have now been taken on to assist with the process, and special state-of-the-art machinery is being introduced to speed things up.

Final results may be subject to legal hearings in everywhere Mr. Biden wins, but it's hoped that a winner can be announced by Christmas.

This year or next.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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