New day-in-the-life-of-a-sheep analytical study emerges with fast delivery from Amazon

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Friday, 30 October 2020

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"Y'all? We're just trying to keep one foot off the banana peel and the other on a rental agreement, capiche?

Breaking: For the first time in Earth's history, a new type of author has been found, proudly announced through Amazon dot com and Mr. Bezos.

That is, a sheep as scribe—yes, from the animal of the species ovis balantes dispersus—has emerged with a brilliant new analysis for our time, titled Dr. Burbles und Der Furor.

Mr. Bezos has assured that writings from this new type of author, ovis inscribem obedientes, will be delivered with express speed following acceptance of an Amazon Credit Card as Gift.

This particular wooly scribe now emerging from the pastures has extensive experience clustering under shade trees with others of its ilk.

Surveys and group studies inform its new analysis, and include the following principles:

*The Dr. Burbles Factor means what has been called “perception management” since at least the Ronald Reagan presidency (with resonances circa 1934 in Germany).

*Perception management (previously aka “brainwashing” and “The Big Lie”) does not simply mean massaging the views of The Official Narrative.

*It means whole-hearted baa-ing group-think acceptance—with critical thinking a no-no from the get-go.

*We're not talking beheadings or concentration camps here, our author reminds, with furrowed brows.

*It means doing what you're told to do to avoid penalties and the NBS (The New Brown Shirts) who invade houses at Thanksgiving if you don't have the right number at your family gathering.

*Or drag people out of supermarkets for not wearing a mask properly.

*Or arrest mothers who allow their children to play in forbidden playgrounds surrounded with plastic orange tape.

*The Der Furor Factor means that any resistance to The Official Narrative should be received with utter cud-chewing calm and denial.

*Rules established via algorithms from computer programs—instead of real human thinking about consequences—constitute the modus operandi for patriots everywhere.

*Technocracy, not democracy, now governs the human community.

*Under which unquestioning obedience is the first order of civilized sheep behavior.

*As to researching, checking, and evaluating Government Protocols there is only one proper way to respond: a resounding chorus of baa-baa-baa behavior and gratitude for the leadership provided.

Mr. Bezos reports sales for this new analytical work, Dr. Burbles und Der Furor, have been somewhat slow, but there is good news.

Buy two copies and get one free, plus same day delivery service by helicopter or drone.*

(*Subject to government regulations in your area.)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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