WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) – Ipso Facto Illustrated Magazine is reporting that 2 million U.S. voting ballots were confiscated in Mexico by a task force comprising members with the FBI, CIA, IRS, and IUD.
The ballots were transported on an Aero Ole Mexicano 747 from Nuevo Guacamole, Mexico, to the White House, where nine members of President Trump’s personal staff went over each ballot.
They found that 87% of the ballots showed voting for Trump, 11% showed voting for Biden, and 2% showed voting for Dora the Explorer.
A White House insider told IFIM that when Jared Kushner asked Trump what they should do with the fake illegal ballots, he was told to take them to the Presidential Election Headquarters, so that they could be counted.
The CIA is reportedly keeping it on the down low, but some of the ballots were found to have contained the DNA of President Trump and Hope Hicks.