Ivanka Trump Depressed – Placed on Suicide Watch

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 29 October 2020

image for Ivanka Trump Depressed – Placed on Suicide Watch
Ivanka Trump waiting outside a Saks Fifth Avenue in D.C. waiting for Jared to pick her up.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – A highly reliable source from within the White Folks House says that the President is extremely concerned, as daughter Ivanka has become very depressed.

At first, the President passed it off as his little girl just being on her period.

He told his top adviser, Hope Hicks, that Ivanka, much like her, has very strong menstrual periods, and she like her, tends to bleed like a friggin faucet.

Hope agreed, but added that, this time, Ivanka is having such horrific cramps, that her screams are literally setting off smoke alarms throughout the White House.

The White House staff is so concerned, that they have put Jared's wife on suicide watch.

Melania, who is not too fond of Ivanka, chimed in and said that, in her native Slovenia, girls and women never complain about their periods.

She divulged that Slovenian women will even do the horizontal hokey pokey when they are having the strongest cramps, without batting an eye.

Meanwhile, the word on the street is that Ivanka’s husband, Jared "The Chump" Kushner, as the blacks are now calling him, is really nothing but a younger effeminate version of Senator Lindsey “Pantywaist” Graham.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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