BILLINGSGATE POST: If Sleepy Joe comes out swinging from a vine before the debate tomorrow night, don’t be surprised. The secret is out. He is receiving chimpanzee blood plasma transfusions this week to rejuvenate himself.
Crack investigative reporter, Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler, who has been posted outside the basement headquarters of Joe Biden’s home, noticed that Chimp Ambrosia vans, with white-coated interns at the ready, were parked outside of his Delaware mansion.
Chimp Ambrosia has been the leader in providing “Chimpanzee Youth Therapy” blood plasma transfusions to rejuvenate old men who have lost a link or two in their brain synapses.
Normally, recipients would receive one liter of the blood plasma donated by juvenile chimpanzees. But it is being reported by Dirty Trick that Biden is receiving the “El Grande” special, where, for an extra $5,000, you get a double dose. However, this dosage comes with a warning that some recipients have an uncontrollable urge to play with themselves. It has been reported that CNN legal beagle, Jeffrey Toobin, had received this plasma prior to his unfortunate ZOOM conference this week.
Slim: “Mothers, don’t let your children watch this debate tomorrow night.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. If Sleepy Joe has hairy palms, cover your eyes.”