Biden Cites Sgt. Bilko And Blessings For Wampum Program As Inspiration

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Thursday, 15 October 2020

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Sgt. Bilko

BILLINGSGATE POST: Among the most cherished political scam programs ever devised to line the pockets of family members of high ranking government officials is the “Blessings For Wampum Program.” This program, along with the pithy scams devised by the wily Sgt. Bilko, were cited by Joe Biden as inspiration for his own scams.

When questioned about the recent revelation exposed by the New York Post regarding his son, Hunter, Sleepy Joe Biden said that there was precedent for his family receiving millions from his intercession in his son’s financial shenanigans in the Ukraine and China.

In response to whether there was a history of using one’s position as Vice President to further his family’s financial gain, Biden cited the “Blessings For Wampum Program”, and the aforementioned Sgt. Bilko’s clever schemes. Regarding this, he said that Native Americans who gave him a blessing the other day had their own special sense of connectedness to a higher being. Although cynics might suggest that this higher being is wampum, Biden is dismissive of this presumption.

In an understated expression of the results of his own investigation, Detrick "Dirty Trick" Detwiler goes back in history.

“Yes, boys and girls, wampum. The same stuff that purchased Manhattan from Native Americans some years ago is now being used to buy blessings.”

Shocking? Hardly. Detwiler, who claims to have honed his journalistic tendencies while interning with Gotham City's finest fish wrap, reports that Chippewa medicine man, Chief Under the Table, received unlimited New York State casino permits in return for his blessings. This goes on, even today, and is testimony to Biden’s relentless pursuit of votes by using beads, promises or whatever to purchase them.

BULLETIN: Reports of Christopher Reeve's sightings at three different Florida early polling stations have surfaced. While Dirty Trick is reluctant to suggest that perhaps John Edwards was correct in saying back in 2003, that if John Kerry were elected president, Reeve would walk again, the fact that these reports show Reeve voting three different times, is ominous. Reeve passed away in 2004. Hopefully, attorneys representing GOP interests will contest these votes, if necessary.

To suggest that the BILLINGSGATE POST is the leader in cutting edge, but highly speculative reporting, might seem far fetched. The reader must assume that CNN and the New York Times have gone out of business. While falling behind these giants in the battle for unethical supremacy, the POST makes no apologies. Competition will make us stronger in the long run.

Slim: “How can Chris Reeve vote three times when he’s dead?

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. That proves he’s really Superman. Dead my ass!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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