AUSTIN – (Satire News) – iRumors is reporting that Texas Governor Greg Abbott has issued a proclamation prohibiting Nebraska Senator Bennie Sasse from ever setting foot in Texas.
The senator from the “Crème-Style Corn State” has angered every man, woman, and child in the Lone Star state.
The senator made a completely out-of-line comment about the Houston Astros being cheaters who should be placed on probation for having cheated three years ago.
Citizens of Texas are now referring to Sasse as being nothing more than a pile of chupacabra shit.
Bennie, who is 48, but acts like he's 8, graduated last in his class, from John Deere College, with a major in Crop Rotating and a minor in Basket Weaving.
Many Astros fans have suggested that the Nebraska senator should perhaps concern himself with his wife Hortense "Corny" Sasse's 12-inch tall horrendous-looking beehive hairdo, that actually makes Marge Simpson's hairdo look pretty.
Austin native Wyatt Topsy, 71, noted Sasse forgot to mention that, back in 2002, he was arrested for allegedly molesting a milk cow.
The charges were dropped when he agreed to settle out of court, and do 591 hours of community service at a dairy farm in Papillion, Nebraska.