SAN DIEGO – (Sports Satire) – Houston Astros second baseman Jose Altuve is denying reports that appeared on Fox Sports, saying that the Astros owner hired a Louisiana voodoo woman to put a hex on the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.
Altuve, the feisty all-star, said that the Astros do not need to cheat to win games.
He said that the team took a bad rap three years ago that was most probably started by the disgruntled wife of one of the Los Angeles Dodgers players.
He noted that some of the players’ wives even made a petition which they sent to President Trump, asking him to take away Houston’s World Series trophy and all of the players' and coaches' World Series rings.
Trump immediately wrote back saying, “Are you friggin' kidding me? I have my hands full what with all of these Democrats saying that I colluded with Russia, cheated on my taxes, and had unprotected sex with Stormy Daniels.”
And speaking of President Trump, he told Sean Hannity that he hasn’t used a condom since New Year’s Eve back in 2002.