OAKLAND – (Sports Satire) - It appears that, lately, anytime that there is a bench-clearing incident, chances are the Astros are one of the two participating teams.
One sports writer from Tijuana, Mexico, wrote that the Astros seem to draw controversy like hip hop artist Nicki Minaj draws vulgar comments on her humongous butt.
According to the Houston bat boy, the melee started when one of the Astros yelled out at A’s outfielder Ramon Laureano that it looked like he had combed his hair with a firecracker.
Laureano, who has a quick fuse, (no pun intended), charged at the Astros dugout, which was really a dumb thing to do, since the entire Astros team came out like a swarm of fire ants coming out of an ant hole.
The A's centerfielder was quickly wrestled to the ground, and if it had not been for the bat boy and a reporter with The Sports Bet Gazette, Ramon would have ended up looking like a used pinata.
By the time his teammates got to him, A’s catcher Austin Allen said that Ramon was missing his cap, his shirt, his pants, his pack of cigarettes, and his Matt Damon designer boxer shorts.
Rob "Manny" Manfred, the commissioner of Major League Baseball, is said to be extremely livid, and has said that the A’s and the Astros could both end up getting fined $1million.