WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Fox News says that the extreme white supremacist group, the Proud Boys, have proudly informed the President that they’ll work security at his upcoming campaign rallies free of charge.
They said that it would be an honor and a half to protect the world’s greatest leader, from those individuals, who would wish him harm, which has just recently gone from 1 in 20 to 1 in 3.
The President heard about their offer and quickly texted them back saying that it makes his non-racist, non-sexual predator body beam with proud-as-punch pride to know how much he is loved, not only by his base, but even by some baseless people as well.
Senator Lindsey Graham texted the President and told him that maybe he should reconsider wanting to associate with such a radical, right-wing, white extremist group as the Proud Boys.
The senator from North Carolina, said that members of the Proud Boys have spray-painted the initials P.B. on banks, police cars, and Dairy Queen Restaurants.
Trump texted Graham back and asked when the hell he's going to stop acting like a damn Dixieland prancing pantywaist.