WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) - A White House staff member, who spoke to iRumors, on condition of anonymity, said that Trump’s closest adviser, Hope Hicks, has tested positive for the Trumpapalooza virus.
The staff member said that, lately, the President and the stunningly-attractive Hope have been having lots of secret meetings in the Oval Office.
Trump has said that he and the 31-year-old Hicks talk about global warming, food stamps, hurricanes, sex, and how much of a raise he is going to give her.
One staff member even noted that, when Hicks is inside the Oval Office with the President, there are strict instructions that no-one is to bother him, and that includes Ivanka, Scott Baio, little son Barron, and Melania.
Trump’s former attorney/fixer, Michael Cohen, told CNN’s Don Lemon that Trump always used to tell him that Hope had the sexiest ass he had ever seen.
Cohen says that he is not a betting man, but he would be willing to bet that once Melania divorces Donald J, old “Baby Fingers” is going to jump on Hicks like a chimp jumping on a banana.
Meanwhile, the non-mask-wearing Thump is reportedly worried as hell that he may now have the Trumpapalooza virus himself.