Amy Barrett: Previously Unknown Sexual Impropriety Comes to Light

Funny story written by Charles Havers

Monday, 28 September 2020

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You show me yours...

Most observers expect that the confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Amy Barrett will be at least as nasty and partisan as those for Brett Kavanaugh. Democrats are busy scouring the woodwork for any skeletons that may be in Amy Barrett’s closet, and they have already found at least one.

Way back in second grade, classmate Mai Johnson had a deal with Barrett to “show her his if she would show him hers.” The poor boy upheld his end of the bargain and showed Barrett his member, but was devastated when Barrett just laughed at him and refused to uphold her end of the bargain.

Since that time, Mai has been charged with exposing his Johnson on more than a dozen occasions and is now an unemployable, registered sex offender. He believes that Ms. Barrett has literally wrecked his life and is unfit to serve on the Supreme Court.

Senate Judiciary Committee member and Vice Presidential nominee Kamala Harris agrees, and says that the incident is an indelible mark on Ms. Barrett’s character:

“We simply cannot have someone on the Court who has behaved like that.”

Meanwhile, Judiciary Committee Chair Lindsey Graham characterized the whole thing as one of the most ridiculous things he has ever heard, adding that he didn’t even believe the accusation.

Dianne Feinstein, the ranking minority member of the committee, then commented:

“You [Graham] are a partisan hack and a hypocritical piece of _____. There are only two times in your miserable life when you haven’t believed the man—when Joe Biden denied sexual assault allegations and when Mr. Johnson presented credible allegations on the part of Ms. Barrett.”

The next month should be interesting, and we will keep you posted.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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