In a last-ditch effort to secure a further 4 years in office, Donald Trump has approved tests for the elimination of discrimination based on skin color, a high-minded undertaking which underlines the President's belief that all people are equal, as long as they agree with him.
A group of doctors in Memphis, Tennessee have developed a 'suckling vat' into which newborns are plunged directly after birth. The tank is filled with a permanent colorant which penetrates the pigments of the newborn's skin, ensuring it remains that color for life.
"Tremendous news", said the Donald. "I was disappointed my corona injection scheme never got off the ground. Now I'm backing this effort to make America great again. OK, I'd 've chosen orange - like me - with a piece of yellow rug subsequently slapped on the skull of the kids, but apparently, fandango is more effective in terms of penetration. So, let's go for it!"
Fandango, a sort of purple, was preferred to the original tone, bittersweet shimmer, which resembled the skin color of indigenous Americans. "Too damn reddish," explained Trump. "I had to be neutral." The new purple people will be monitored for 18 months to see how they develop. If the dye stays, all babies in the USA will be immersed in fandango as of June 2022. "A magnificent purple future," proclaimed the President. "Purple lives matter!"
Journalists asked whether future generations might suffer discrimination because of their teeth or height or hair.
"Possible," mused Trump. "We're working on that," he lied, "but the next step, believe me, is to eliminate gender. Then, that #MeToo will be dealt with as well. Step by step, folks. Just trust me."