Woodward Discovers Missing Minutes on Trump Tapes

Funny story written by Mike Peril

Tuesday, 15 September 2020

image for Woodward Discovers Missing Minutes on Trump Tapes
Fears repercussion from someone named Ivan

Arlington, Va - Reporter Bob Woodward announced, yesterday, that over eighteen minutes from his Trump White House tapes were erased.

"I don't know what happened," tweeted Woodward. "I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. In fact, it was yesterday."

Woodward stated that the 18-minute conversation included President Trump apologizing to Woodward for failing the American people. "He said things like 'I didn't mean to let them down, I'm such a failure, I am a liar, a racist, too, my sister and niece were right, Mary, my sweet little Mary, if you're out there.' It was actually hard to hear, him breaking down like that."

Woodward speculated that perhaps his assistant erased the tapes in error, or something more sinister. "Well, we did have two plumbers come in the house yesterday afternoon to fix our leaky toilet. I guess it could've been them."

Trump's son-in-law, Jared Kushner, who grew up in a New Jersey family construction business, denies any first-hand knowledge. "I don't know any plumbers," he tweeted.

But Woodward insists that a man who called himself "Deep Bloat" and who sounded a lot like Kushner, threatened him over the missing minutes. "Ivanka, I mean Ivan, will come get you, if you say anything," the unknown man said to Woodward in a fake low voice.

When asked why he didn't record the Deep Bloat conversation, Woodward shrugged. "I have books to sell. I'll take 60 Minutes over 18 anytime."

If you have information on the content of the missing minutes, contact Mike_Peril@aol.com.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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