WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) - After several late night comedians suggested that Donald Trump Jr., delivered his convention speech while high on Peruvian Marching Dust, he angrily remarked that it was not cocaine, it was just good old-fashioned Trumpian pride.
His girlfriend, Kimberly “The Screamin’ Banshee” Guilfoyle, added that little Donnie was just high on her amazing performance, which President Trump noted was worthy of an Academy Award nomination.
Kimby, who could easily out yell any WWE wrestler, sounded like she was trying to imitate Argentina’s Eva Peron yelling at the Argentine people from high a top the palace balcony.
CNN’s Don Lemon said he put a Decibel Meter to Guilfoyle’s speech, and it hit 131, which is equivalent to a 747 jet during take off.
Trump Jr. later told Tucker Carlson that the only drug he takes is a daily Flintstone vitamin, which he says keeps his eyes from looking like ping pong balls, and it also helps with his erectile dysfunction.