WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Fake News) - Investigators with the Cosmos Illegal Doings Investigating Commission have stumbled upon what could possibly end up being one of the greatest money-laundering schemes since the days of Al Capone.
The CIDIC found that President Trump’s campaign committee has taken money that was donated by thousands of middle class members of his base, and funneled it to two well-known females.
Many Trump supporters, referred to as the 'commoners' by Kellyanne Conway’s daughter, are presently unemployed and living day to day in small houses, trailers, rental storage units, and even in barns.
The money trail leads right to the scarecrow-looking wife of Eric Trump, Lara Lulu Trump, and the big-haired girlfriend of Trump Junior, Kimberly “Lips” Guilfoyle.
Both women are emphatically denying any wrongdoing. Lara said that she got the money from winning a $700,000 bet on the Super Bowl.
Kimberly, meanwhile, said that she got the $828,000 selling kisses at a country fair in Sioux City, Iowa.
The President is maintaining that he hardly knows either one of the bitches.