Teen, Gary Crane, while visiting his aunt Martha’s house, was caught taking too long in the bathroom and, to protect her embarrassment, said he was masturbating.
‘There’s a full length mirror in there,’ said aunt Martha, ‘and I sensed he was covering up for something. You hear all sorts of stories about alcohol, drugs and environmentalism - I was worried.’
What Gary was doing would let his family and friends down, let himself down and then as he let his pants down he revealed his Jo Biden underwear. Gary liked the full length mirror.
‘I need to tell the world how good it feels,’ said Gary.
Gary, lied to friends about joining the ‘Build That Wall’ volunteer programme and underneath his MAGA sweatshirt he secretly wore a T with the damning words ‘Climate change is real - I heart wind farms’.
‘I reached out over breakfast,’ said aunt Martha, ‘but he stuck to his masturbating story. If only that was true but I think he’s been sharing The Paris Agreement on climate change.’
Aunt Martha understands what he’s going through as she recyled when she was younger but she turned out normal.
‘Once he and his generation get college debt round their necks they’ll wake up. But a lie, is a lie!’ said Aunt Martha, ‘Some might say I’m being flippant and missing some cultural point but I think he needs to learn that whether it’s black or white, hashtag, all lies matter.’