Can You Get Covid-19 From A Toilet Seat?

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Friday, 24 July 2020

image for Can You Get Covid-19 From A Toilet Seat?
A man taking extreme precautions

Fake news report - Dozens of readers have contacted The Spoof, inquiring about the report on Fox TV and One America News that the primary transmission source for Covid-19 is a toilet seat. The Spoof, in turn, has passed that question on to the experts here at the CDC.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the nation's leading expert on contagious diseases, responded:

"The best advice is to wear a mask."

When a puzzled reporter asked how a mask could protect a would-be victim, he said he meant a bottom mask that would keep the flesh off the seat.

"Dispose of it after every flush!" he suggested.

White House Physician, Sean Conley, who put the president on that strange unpronounceable drug to fight Covid-19, says the best prevention is to wipe down the seat with an anti-viral solution before and after each use. However, he is sure the president will not mandate that each public restroom maintain a bottle of the anti-viral stuff.

A spokesman for "Straight America" forcefully argued that the real problem is gay men who, he claimed, were primarily responsible for spreading the virus. He would make it a crime for gays to use any public toilet.

In the meantime, public restrooms seem to be out of conventional seat covers, as their use has suddenly skyrocketed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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