Trump: I've Always Been In Favor Of Face Masks

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 22 July 2020

image for Trump: I've Always Been In Favor Of Face Masks
Trump even wears a face mask whilst cleaning his teeth

In what many will see as a total turnaround, President Trump has spoken about his preference for wearing a face mask in order to limit the spread of the Coronavirus, claiming that he has always been in favor of the protective mouth coverings.

Trump told reporters yesterday, that wearing a face mask is nothing new for him. He said:

"I think wearing a mask is the only thing we can do in this situation. It shows concern and respect for other people, which is a characteristic of mine."

After a short silence, one journalist asked Mr. Trump if it wasn't true that he'd recently said it was unpatriotic, and 'gay', to wear a face mask. Trump replied:

"Certainly not! In fact, I think it's extremely patriotistic to wear a face mask, and that's why I wear one all the time."

This prompted another silence, longer this time, followed by a muttering amongst the press. The President went on:

"I wear a mask in the White House, and I wear a mask at home. I even wear a mask in bed, and so does my wife. I always carry spare masks with me, just in case I meet someone who isn't wearing one, and then I can save someone else's life. That's what I'm like."

There was a shuffling of feet, and several people coughed.


"I've always worn a mask, even when I was on 'The Apprentice, even when I was a little boy! There are photos somewhere of me when I was a baby, already wearing a mask. I'd even say that I'd worn a mask before I was born, in my mother's womb, but nobody would believe me. My ancestors, back in Germany, used to wear face masks. I think my view on face masks is public knowledge by now. They're essential, and I'd never be seen without one."

The room was now empty.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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