LANTANA, Florida – The Chief Executive Editor of the infamous supermarket tabloid, the National Enquirer is pleading with his BFF, the president, to provide him with a government bailout.
David Pecker, 68, is asking the commander-in-chief for $38 million. He has reportedly called Trump over 215 times, just in the last week alone.
Pecker says that each time he calls POTUS, he gets a recording that says, “President Trump is very busy out on the golf course. So don’t even bother leaving a message, because when he gets through golfing, he will start tweeting non-stop for at least 90 minutes. Make America Golf Again.”
Pecker is best noted for helping the Trumpster hide at least 93 alleged affairs, including those with Stormy Daniels, Karen McDougal, Kimbeena Shamtuma, Ling-a-Ling Chow, and Rosie O’Donnell.
In fact, Pecker and Smecker, go all the way back to Trump University, where Pecker was a cheerleader, and Smecker was the school’s treasurer.
The first lady, Melania, says that she hates Pecker because he is always touching himself, and plus he smells like a cheap whore.