WASHINGTON, D.C. – A White House insider, who is very close to the first daughter, has said that Ivanka is very upset and a bit on the depressed side.
It seems that a highly-respected District of Colombia liposuction physian, Dr. Ferris P. Dogwood, revealed to a reporter with The Boston Addresser-Chronicle that Miss Ivanka had gone in and had a liposuction procedure.
When asked to give the details, the doctor, at first, refused.
But, after being told that, if he did not give the details out, he would be reported to the Truth in Doctorship Council, the good doctor relented.
Dr. Dogwood remarked that Ivanka had what is referred to in the medical world as a pubisintakosis upalipatitus.
When asked to explain what that meant, the doctor replied, “Well, in more simple terms, Miss Kushner had minimal liposuction of the crotchahoohalina."
“And just what the hell is that?” he was asked.
The Dr. giggled, and replied, “Okay, in simpler, easier-to-understand, kindergarten school terms, the White House Barbie, I mean Miss Ivanka Kushner, had some fatty tissue removed from beneath her bikini line.”
“Exactly how much?” a reporter asked.
“Oh, if I had to make an educated guess, I would say about two sewing thimbles worth of pure fatingusboombiosis fat, which is the good fat."
“Will she still be able to do the horizontal macarena?” a reporter asked.
The doctor raised his eyebrows, smiled like the schnauzer that ate the canary, and simply replied, “Hell, yeah!”
Ivanka is emphatically denying that she had the liposuction procedure done, and that it was really nothing more than what is commonly known as a small, third degree crotchatory rash.