Bernie Sanders Insists His Endorsement of Joe Biden Almost as Enthusiastic as His 2016 Endorsement of Hillary Clinton

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Sunday, 26 April 2020

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Among Joe Biden’s other selling points, Bernie Sanders appreciates Biden's affiliation with the Democratic party.

Weeks after suspending his own run for the Democratic presidential nomination, Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders issued a statement officially backing presumptive Democratic nominee Joe Biden, stating that his endorsement of Biden was almost as enthusiastic as his 2016 endorsement of Hillary Clinton.

"For one, I really appreciate that he's a Democrat," said Sanders, touting the many positive aspects of Biden’s generally conservative platform and minimizing aspects like Biden's opposition to Medicare for All and his past role in leading the United States into war with Iraq. "And he also said he supports a fifteen-dollar-an-hour minimum wage. Granted, he did so under some duress, as a result of my hounding him, but I think he meant it.”

Sanders went on to state that he does not hold it against Biden that Biden admitted to lying about participating in civil rights protests in the 1960s. “Joe’s a busy guy, and like me, he’s getting up in years,” said Sanders. “It can be tough to keep track of everything.”

Sanders initially hedged as to why he described his endorsement of Biden as only almost as enthusiastic as his 2016 endorsement of Hillary Clinton. Finally, however, Sanders attributed his slight preference for Clinton to her somewhat cleaner record when it came to sexual harassment. “In Clinton’s case, it was only her husband who engaged in it,” he said. “But nobody’s perfect. And Biden is a decent man. He has my wholehearted support."

Sanders, who underwent surgery following a heart attack only months ago, chuckled and added, "Of course, I just had a stent put in, so my heart isn't all that whole in any sense these days. But you take my point."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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