Obese Man Most Likely To Die First According To Family Sweepstake

Written by Dewani Unhatched

Friday, 1 May 2020

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Tubby Cunt

Fort Lauderdale man, Duncan Whitehead, is oblivious to the fact that he is the odds-on favorite to be the first of the Whitehead clan to die due to the Covid-19 virus, according to a 'book' opened by one of his brothers.

Whitehead is totally unaware that he was currently the focus of several wagers placed by family members on his ability to fight off any infection due to the fact that he is, according to several cousins, a 'real fat bastard'.

A family member, who asked for anonymity, said, "I used to always mock him about his weight. Often, I would sing 'he ain't heavy, he's my brother' any chance I had. He really is a lard arse. It's obvious he would be the favorite to go first. If the virus doesn't get him, then probably a stroke or heart attack will. The chubby fuck."

As of press time, Duncan remains the evens favorite to kick the bucket first, while Granny Whitehead, aged 97, remains the second favorite, at odds of 3/1.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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