Washington D.C. - Emergency room doctors and nurses were extremely disturbed by a non-Covid-19 patient who turned out to be a Chief Editor at the Washington Examiner. After publishing recent lies about Joe Biden in an op-ed, the Editor phoned 911 complaining about blindness. Upon reaching the Editor at his bung-galow, a medical team determined his head was completely inserted up his ass.
"It was truly amazing," said an EMT on condition of anonymity, "The only sign of his head was his ponytail resting on his neck. I was shocked cuz I've never seen a conservative with a ponytail before."
At the hospital, overworked doctors ordered him to be placed in a room in the basement to await an operation. "We don't have time for this crap right now," said the chief surgeon on duty, "we have people with their lives on the line for something this asshole has done nothing about except spew garbage."
Washington Examiner spokespersons refused comment, and did not return our calls to spontaneously combust.