Right-Wing "Pandemic Preppers" Pledge to Make America Germ-Free Again

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 17 April 2020

image for Right-Wing "Pandemic Preppers" Pledge to Make America Germ-Free Again
Pandemic Preppers are hoping that their new YouTube video about COVID-19 will go, well, viral.

Members of the right-wing movement known as the Pandemic Preppers, who have embraced COVID-19 and its trappings not just as a riveting national crisis but as a lifestyle, have tweaked the Trump “MAGA” motto to “Make America germ-free again.”

Said proud Pandemic Prepper Polly Chase of Nashville, Tennessee, “President Trump has done a great job with our current pandemic, and it’s just unfortunate that the liberal media spread rumors that there wasn’t enough testing done. I happen to know that President Trump personally tested a number of Americans for COVID-19, and every single one of them came out positive. His standards couldn't be more stringent."

She added that unlike Pandemic Preppers, who never leave their homes bare-faced, none of the infected people had been wearing face masks.

Mitch Miller of Louisville, Kentucky, explained that, thanks to their ever-present face masks, Pandemic Preppers tend to be less superficial than the general population, focusing less on such factors as facial appearance and body weight than on substantive qualities like face mask commitment and germaphobia. “In addition to MAGA, our other motto is 'Face masks forever!'" said Miller. ”A lot of us have never even seen each other's full mugs. Plenty of above-the-nose eye contact, though."

According to Miller, he and several other Pandemic Preppers are in the process of self-producing a YouTube video about COVID-19 as a lifestyle, to help spread the word about the Pandemic Prepper movement. “We’re hoping it will go, well, you know, viral,” he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more