Man Is Patiently Waiting For Coronavirus To Arrive In Town

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 17 April 2020

image for Man Is Patiently Waiting For Coronavirus To Arrive In Town
Steady thisen, an mek a brew

A man who, back in January, sensed a stomach-churning feeling of absolute dread deep inside himself, has, for the moment, put his fears to one side, and is now patiently waiting for the Coronavirus to arrive in town.

Moys Kenwood is 56, and, as he has an underlying condition - Type 1 diabetes - which the virus seems to like, he considers it unlikely he will reach 57.

That having been noted, it's not impossible that he will reach his next birthday in June, because the virus seems to affect different groups of people in different ways - people who one might expect to die from it, somehow don't, and those who doctors expect to survive it, often perish.

With that in mind, the future is unwritten, and anything could happen.

Kenwood, therefore, has decided to 'play it by ear', to try to remain calm, and to wait the coming storm with dignity and hope, and to avoid shitting himself every time he logs on to the internet and is told we are all going to die.

He said:

"Nobody here is taking a blind bit of notice of any virus. It's almost as if there is nothing amiss. I fear there is trouble up ahead, but, until then, I'll remain patient, play with the kids, read books, listen to music, drink tea, and write stupid spoofs. What else can I do?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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