The President of the United States, in an important news briefing today, released information about the possible origins of the deadly Coronavirus disease. Flanked by his chief medical officers, who appeared to have headaches and were looking down at the floor, he boldly announced who was to blame for the deadly virus that’s killed thousands across the world.
“It’s the Democrats,” he said, bravely. “They’ve opposed everything I’ve asked for, like a border wall and relaxed gun laws. If we had more guns on the streets, Coronavirus would be a lesser threat than a bullet in the head. But they don’t care. Oh no. And the slitty-eyed foreign Chinese, who don’t care about the American worker when they manufacture so much junk and sell it to us. If they bought more US junk, they’d be the ones in hospital, recovering from broken fingers and toes, and they wouldn’t have had time to travel to the West and spread the virus. Don’t forget the Muslims. They’re always responsible when something goes wrong. Oh yes. And the unpatriotic New York Times, because they hate everything I do. So hateful. Big disgrace.”
President Trump then proceeded to show reporters a video of him spanking his wife Melania, while she grunted “Go, good boy, you’re so good, so good, yeah, you’re the best, YEAH!”
One reporter from Fox News remarked after the briefing, "Yeah, he really showed them."