Thieves Break Into A Toilet Paper Warehouse and Make off With 9,000 Rolls

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 24 March 2020

image for Thieves Break Into A Toilet Paper Warehouse and Make off With 9,000 Rolls
This Charmin Toilet Paper Warehouse has over 40 surveilance cameras so the thieves will soon be identified and captured.

MILWAUKEE – Local authorities are reporting that overnight thieves broke into the Charmin Warehouse located on Soft Street and made off with 9,000 rolls of toilet paper.

Surveillance cameras captured the three thieves who were dressed as Milwaukee Bucks basketball players. The highly professional thieves managed to take the 9,000 rolls of TP in just under 55 seconds.

Officer Timothy Timmons with the MPD said that he has never seen thieves move that fast. He pointed out that the three thieves who were identified as being Swiss were all wearing Michael Jordan Jumpin’ Jumpball Footwear, which retails for $297 a pair.

SIDENOTE: Officer Timmons said that the reason he figured that the thieves were Swiss was because one dropped a Swiss army knife and on the surveillance video another one of the thieves could be heard yodeling an old Swiss Alps Mountain wedding song.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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